the letter to valerie.

today's entry is dedicated to valerie.

dun read it becos u are super bored.

read it becos u CARE.

To : my buddy, Valerie.

it's true tat sometimes u are not heard by us.
i can understand tis but i dun wan to allow myself to agree wif u.
becos i still believe that God only help those tat help themselves.
somehow when u finally decided to do sth, things will go smooothly.
if tis is not the case, den u are not determined enuff.

why?
becos if u are determined,
there is no such things call problems.
onli challenges.
and challenges are meant to be overcome,
not fer them to defeat us.

when u were concluding tat u will be veri happy if u see all of us being veri close wif our families.
u sort of "turn me on."
u made adrenaline gushed into my blood.

then, when i was walking home.
i started to ask myself :"why?"
in the end i found my answer.

i was upset tat u tried to mean tat i am not close wif my family and everyone else.

not blaming u, dun feel apologetic.
den i asked myself why u would think this way.

it's becos i kept telling u guys my problems wif my mum.

soon, i realised my way of loving my family.
is so much like a father.

Father - someone who slogs fer the family.
Father - someone who leaves the house b4 anyone wakes up and comes home when everyone is asleep.
Father - someone who is often forgotten.
Father - someone who is least popular among the children.(not fer mi.)
Father - someone who dun hab time fer the family.

fer the last point.
he would not hab time fer his family,
becos all his time was used to work,
to support the family.

tis is his way of loving them.
tis is my way of loving mine.

can u imagine if i dun work?
i would be asking money from my mum.
den she will nid to continue working.

i love her.
so i decided tat i can feed myself.
so mama whose health is now deterioting,
can enjoy some better life b4 she goes to join my Dad eventually.
jus typing this line makes mi tear.
can u imagine how much i love her?

fer this, i nid to sarcifice all the time i hab.
who dun wan to stay at home and rot?
who dun wan to play games everyday and go shopping, etc.
why did i choose to suffer by holding on to 2 jobs?

rmb i would tell u i miss my family sometimes?

the feeling became worst when u know u hab no choice but to continue missing them.

i promise God, i promise myself.
i promise tat i would make mummie feel my love.
i promise to accept her way of living her life now.
and i did.

now, i tink tat she can by all means go to the temple everyday.
do wadeva she wan.
as long as she is happie.
becos she had been unhappy ever since my dad is gone.

fer me,
i believe tat it is worth it to work so hard.
to feel so tired.
becos at the same time,
mummie feels less burden.

i am not saying u are wrong in loving ur family ur way-
by spending more time wif them.

it's jus tat i realise with less money-worries.
mummie will be a much happier person.
like different family, different way of doing things.

valerie,
i believe everyone is close wif their family.
jus tat u dun see them interacting wif their family like how u do.
tis does not mean tat they are not as close to their family like u are.
no matter wad,
family will still be there and the love will always be there.
jus tat the love comes in too many forms.

abt ur discipline and punctuality problem.
tis is the more serious issue.
i am realli taking tis severly.
and tis shd serve as the last time i would gib u a gentle reminder onli.

i feel tat even if it is gonna cost us our frenship.
i shd still let u know tat u hab tis super BAD habit.
DISCIPLINE.
the key to everything.
ATTITUDE.
the cause of everything.
and often the solution to everything too.

i so feel like slapping myself.
cos i am sounding so arrogant now.
like i am lecturing u.

but i jus cant stand how those ppl keep stereotyping u.
i jus feel so angry when they do this.
i am so amazed tat u can jus gib the "accept-it" attitude.

stop this.
u are degrading urself so badly.
wif this attitude, there can be no improvement.
it's time u feel hurt by all these negative comments,
and put in some serious effort to change them all.
pls put a stop to all the bad impression ppl hab fer u.

once again.
the main point is,
u must stop complaining abt things tat turned out not so well.
be it studies, work or frens.
becos most probably,
u ALLOWED it to happen.

learn to be a stronger person.
u realli gave urself too much excuses.
too much.
u nid to be more optimistic,
and develop the undying effort to work harder.

everything is possible.

isn't it good when u say everything out?
i feel good.

jus rmb,
i am ur fren.
and i will still be until my last breathe.
even if we were to quarrel so hard one day,
and not contact anymore.
i will still rmb u as my fren.

imagine if i dun care at all,
and u feel tat i said all these to made u feel so bad onli.
i would hab jolly well jus throw my temper on u.
and hab a big fight.
den game over.

valerie ah,
dun underestimate the strength of our frenship.
i believe saying all these honest things,
will onli serve to strengthen our bond.

try to tink of my first qn to u today.

"wad do u tink frens shd be like?"

my answer would be.
ppl who would walk next to mi thru my life journey,
making sure tat we are there fer one another,
making sure tat we gib all the support we hab
when we fall down occasionally.
and warning them of any dangers ahead.

lastly,
no nid to care whether the ur fren is listening anot.
as long as u hab done ur piece of talking.
made sure tat ur msg is driven acrossed.
u know u hab a clear conscience.
and u did all ur part as a FRIEND.

and fer mi,
i did my part as ur friend.