reflections.

i hab jus finished watching Silence.
i guess i am gonna flood all of u wif my life philosophy again.
so. i am gonna transform into Prof. Sil. now!

"越是紧握，就越握不紧。"
"the tighter u hold, the looser the grab."
the word is 执著。
i dunno the word fer it in english.
something like stubbornly held onto sth.
i am learning.
learning to give, than to take.
onli when we give, we hab space in the hands to take.
u get wad i mean?

"In life.
we can never regret.
we have no rights to regret at all."
everytime. when sth goes wrong.
kill all those thinkings that goes:
"why did i do tat?!"
or
"if i hab nv done tat...bla bla bla."
stop it.
i din study hard enuff fer the paper yest.
so demoralising.
but it's okie.
realli.
i hab another paper to go.
i am not pronounced dead yet.
sorrie meh. i scare u. =X

ppl, i am fine.
jus getting a little emotional over here.
hab been like tis since last week.
thank u val. u hab been listening to my crap.
haix. ppl stop reading tis entry if u cant take my sudden surge of emotions.

somehow, i am missing all of u.
i miss my mum when she is onli behind mi.
i miss my kor when he is always there joking wif mi.
i miss my mei even thou she will always cheer mi on.
i am craziee rite?
my family hab nv leave mi at all.
and i am missing them terribly now.
anyone been thru wad i hab been going thru fer months alreadi?
i guess u guys hab.
studying fer the future.
working fer everyday needs.
24 hrs is jus so not enuff to spend.
wad i looked forward to.
is onli a dinner where everyone sit down and eat together.

honestly, i hab so many fears.
i am scared tat one day mi and val will stop working together.
den we will stop eating out late.
we will stop sharing so much.
but if we nv graduate from sch, we wouldnt be working together now rite?
i believe all of us are tied together.
no matter how far we are,
our hearts still connect together.

on thurs. it shd be the day i hab been yearning fer.
but somehow.
i am scare now.
is the last day of exams realli my freedom day?
or my farewell day?
suddenly,
i miss laughing in the lecture threatre wif lm, hf and the rest.
i miss sitting in the canteen forcing everyone to wait fer everyone to be there b4 we start eating.
i miss toking bad things abt mdm lim.
i miss the fun we hab during pe lessons.
i miss everything we hab done.
even when we quarrelled.
thurs would be the last day we wear tat uniform together.
so silly of mi.
it's not like we are not going to contact anymore rite?

i hab been tinking so much these few days.
so much tat i dunno which one i wanna blog abt.
another qn appearred in my mind.
when am i going to tell the boys tat i hab this blog?
i guess they wouldnt be interested also.
cos i pang seh them so many times since sept.
am i kicked out of the group alreadi?

okie. Prof. Sil. is done wif her pouring of emotions.
take a deep breathe and tink over tis qn now.
the dream, tat u dream of.
will u realli attain happiness when tis dream come true?